Sometimes I wonder, what is Allah trying to tell me? It's like he is giving me all this signs that is going to lead me to the one and as i'm approaching to the person that i thought who is "the one" and Allah goes "nope, he is not yours. Keep searching Elsa". Sometimes I'm just tired and feel like giving up. I'm currently not seeing anyone but I want to. SO BAD.
The thing with me is, i think i'm a fucking weirdo. I know damn well that there are some guys who are trying to pursue me but I choose to be choosy and I just know in my heart that none of them suit me... I might be wrong though but i mean if you know, you just know right? Atleast that's what i think. I don't believe in wasting time on the wrong person because deep down, i do know that if i truly am in love with someone, i WILL go all the way and there's no turning back. I will turn into this psycho-attention-seeking-path and just turn emotional all the time, even if it's over the smallest thing like not replying my text immediately unless you have a damn good reason to do so. Basically, I don't think anybody is worth for me to be vulnerable with. Sighhhhh . Therefore, if you are not the one and we have wasted time together cos things do not turn out the way we wanted to, why bother trying right?
This year, most of my friends around my age are getting married/are married/have kids/ seeing someone... Except for me ofcourse. Haih. By end of the year i'm supposed to have a boyfriend , lose loads of weight and bought loads of muslimah outfit for my "journey" to be a better muslim for allah. Butttt Guess what? I'm actually gaining more weight, still boyfriendless and i've wasted my money purchasing other things except for muslimah clothes. *major facepalm*
Despite all this, i am living a good life. Don't get me wrong. I have such an amazing family,friends and sometimes, i'm surrounded by awesome strangers. Alhamdullilah. But i just wish that things will improve drastically in the relationship section. I don't want it to stop at just having that butterfly feeling and then nothing happens. I have enough having the wrong guys entering into my life. Prince charming please come soon . Maybe it's not my #rezeki yet. But i do believe in his plans. After all, Allah knows best! XO
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